Music:born stubborn, me will always be before you count 1-2-3.
I thrive best hermit style, with a beard and a pipe and a parot on each side.
I went out the other day, I believe Friday, after work for a drink. The company was fine, I was with people/co-workers with whom I normally talk to on a frequent basis. I dont know what over came me, I became this totally coy, bashful person that I'm regularly not. Last night while I could not fall asleep, I was wondering what the hell happened. I don t think I felt inadequate, I think it more more of a crush that I cant do anything about. I am completely smittend and captivated with this lovely young lady whom I adore so much, but more then likely nothing will ever transpire from it (various complicated issues are involved, but do ya think I like her enough?). So I think my natural reaction was to shroud my self just in case any feeling may of came out. At a certain moment I had to fully cover my face out of embarrassment due to a conversation that was about me eating her out... oh the cruelty of the vocalization had me nearly hiding under the table. The weird part about it all is, its not as though I havent thought about it and more then likely she has thought about it too, but just to hear it aloud...agh. I couldnt even look at her afterwords because of my shyness. And what I think to be the most fucked about this entire qualm is, Im still not ready to be in a relationship yet. I want to continue to indulge my self in work before I even think about settling into a relationship.
In other news, last night while I was unable to fall asleep, I watched the Adult Swim on Cartoon network then Ellen Degeneres and some other random crap. I forgot how much I totally love staying up late at night and not waking up early in the morning. I dont know what Im doing with these horrible banker hours I've some how ended up with? I think I settled for mediocrity just so I can wake up and have breakfast with the lovely lady... I really need to prioritize my life. Forks before a crook pot, happiness before wishful thinking, excellence before mediocrity...prioritize. I was just talking to my father about this yesterday too, I'm really stubborn sometime, I dont even want to listen to my self as I sit here and waste time.
But now I can't do this with out you... I never thought I would compromise.